18 January, 2009

Collective IQ Moment

Collective IQ Moment

Collective IQ Moments are know to occur when a person, usually a coworker, makes a statement of such breathtaking stupidity or inanity that the only response is: "Did the collective IQ in the room just suddenly drop?". Such moment usually occur in meetings, company gatherings or cubicle chit chat.

Bluetooth

Bluetooth

A wireless technology that is commonly used for 'hands free' calling on your mobile phone. This allow very important people to make very important calls (usually about some intimate matter in public) while shopping, making love or using the loo.

Speakerphone

Speakerphone

A work productivity tool that allows you to share your most intimate life details with your surrounding coworkers, guaranteeing that they will be annoyed and entertained at the same time.

Rehabilitation

Rehabilitation

Commonly know as "Rehab", this is a new form of career resurrection practiced by celebrities, insuring that they will always remain in the spotlight.

Television

Television

A new opiate of the masses for the 20th century, replacing the 19th century opiate, religion.

"Citizen of the World"

"Citizen of the World"

An expression that is commonly heard among 20-somethings on their first trip to a foreign land, usually a spring break trip to Mexico or a lost weekend in Canada, showing to the world that they are Americans, have no clue about the rest of the world and speak no other languages. Usually exclaimed in groups of other Americans on their first international trip.

Rest Area

Rest Area

A roadside relief station located along major interstates and freeways for those calls of nature. Rest areas prove the virtues of 1st world sanitation standards by exhibiting no signs of them.

Tim Ferriss

Tim Ferriss

The author of "The 4-Hour Work Week" and evidence that Americans are viewed as lazy and always looking for short cuts. He is also proof of P.T. Barnum's maxim that "there is a sucker born every minute".

(Ed Comment.: This entry deserves a cite to Penelope Trunk's Blog for the idea)

Process

Process

A series of steps designed to insure failure for most activities of a business through the rigid following of the steps of the process. Process also provides a fig leaf for those failures based on the fact that the proper process and procedural steps were adhered to. Refer to the more current version of this definition posted April 24, 2009 for a more accurate and useful definition.

Decaffeinated Coffee

Decaffeinated Coffee

Commonly called 'Decaf". A foul, bitter and nasty brew that is conclusive proof of a malevolent force in the universe, known as Satan, leading decaf to be called "Satan's Brew".

Project Manager

Project Manager

A person charged with navigating a project though the usual hoops of bureaucracy, inertia, ineptness, competing turf wars and sheer bloody-mindedness to bring it to market. Commonly referred to as "the resident grown-up".

Manager

Manager

A person in the business world to whom several workers report. The purpose of a manager seems to be:

-Prevent effective communication between you and your coworkers
-Prevent effective communication between the layer of management in the firm.
-Prevent you from doing your work with random visits to check in throughout your workday

10 January, 2009

Legal Definition - from NoReinsGirl (Twitter)

Another great guest contribution from NoReinsGirl on Twitter. Thanks Sharon

Twitter

1. Social Networking Site enabling the user to send messages in 140 characters or less.
2. Networking Site that makes the user cooler than high school or college by sheer number of followers.


Law School

1. Method of training students to become lawyers through post-secondary education.
2. Waterboarding than law students pay money to have done to them.


Wine

1. Fermented Grape Juice aged in oak barrels at a constant temperature.
2. Classy drink used by individuals to get schnockered while attempting to cup, taste, and critique said liquid.


Bar Review

1. Studying for The Bar in the time period between law school graduation and The Bar.
2. Law Student review of all bars, pubs, and drinking establishments within a 10 mile radius of law school traditionally held on Thursday nights.
3. Excuse to go drinking with fellow students and commiserate about the waterboarding.

Boyfriend - From FictionALY (Twitter)

A great guest contribution from FictionALY on Twitter

Boyfriend

one who only accepts sex as incentive for behaving like a decently considerate individual.

(Ed. Note) Thereby proving the civilizing influence of women and proving that women are superior to men


Thanks FictionALY

From St. Ritchie

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