Oprah

Oprah

1. An extremely successful TV show host and originator of Oprah's Book Club
2. The source of numerous imitators
3. The font of all wisdom for women between 18 and 50 on all aspects of their lives, including:

-Why their relationship stink
-Why their parents stink
-Why their jobs stink
-Why their lives stink

4. The source of all male misery from the TV shows and Oprah's Book Club

Girlfriend

Girlfriend

1. A women who has sex with a man with who she has a relationship, for money
2. The amount of money varies with each encounter with said girlfriend. Favored monetary units include:

-Dinner
-Flowers
-Jewelry
-Chocolate
-Shopping Sprees
-Other "Shiny" objects

3. Brings all attendant "baggage" from previous relationships and inflicts the new boyfriend with said "baggage".
4. Will tend to "break things off" for various reasons, usually surrounding certain jewelry that her boyfriend does not provide that is seen to be fitted around the third finger (ring finger) of the right hand.

See Prostitute

Prostitute

Prostitute

1. A woman who will have sex with a man for money.
2. The amount of money and time for sex is fixed and established up front.
3. Negotiation is allowed.

See Girlfriend & Attorney

Marriage Counseling

Marriage Counseling:

1. A process where a therapist, or marriage counselor, acts as a referee for a quarreling couple.
2. A process where you learn:
a.) Your parents weren't married - Common English Translation: "Bastard"
b.) The flaws your parents made in raising you: Common English Translation: "Lazy ass and worthless parents that raised your sorry ass."
c.) Your transgressions since you were a couple: Common English Translation: "Ever since we were dating..."
d.) Your flaws at the mating rituals: Common English Translation: "You suck in bed!"
e. ) Your flaws at employment: Common English translation: "You don't make enough money!!!"
f.) Your comparative worth to your soon to be ex-spouse: Common English Translation: "Goddamn It, you suck, you are shit, fuck you, I don't know why I married you"

All at $250+ an hour, the price of a good dominatrix who is better at dishing out abuse.

Trial Separation

Trial Separation:

1. Short: A separation that will end in a trial
2. Long: A separation of a married couple that will serve only to enrich their attorneys and impoverish the couple.